So... my dad is awesome. He's smart and funny and is the only preacher I know of who went and saw Jimi Hendrix in concert twice -- that's right, TWICE. I'm still a little upset at him for going without me, but I called dibs on the ticket stubs when he dies, so we're cool. Anyway, my dad writes a blog that a lot of people from our church read and his latest blog was talking about how it is not easy to communicate the sometimes difficult truth of the Gospel to non-Christians in a way that expresses our love for them. It's really a great read and I encourage all of you to check out his thoughts here before reading on. After I read it I e-mailed my parents with some responses and decided to post what I wrote here for everyone to read. Please keep in mind that I'm no communication, debate, counseling or anything else expert, but I'm pretty good at loving people who are different than me and these are some of the ways I've discovered that help me when I'm trying to discuss faith with non-Christians.
"I really appreciate your latest blog. It is so difficult in this day and age to be seen as Christian and "normal." People automatically assume that if you are Christian you're just one step short of Jim Jones. The temptation is to claim Christianity but to align yourself with secular views in order to be accepted by non-Christians. This is not to say that this practice is completely shallow (you have to be accepted by non-Christians in order to reach them with the message of Christ) nor is it completely without Biblical merit (I Corinthians 9:22), but it can be a slippery slope and eventually lead to two problematic questions.
1) If we adopt secular views and practices, then at what point does "Christian" living cease to be recognizable as Christian? You can't live with one foot in each world -- eventually you're going to have to make a stand one way or the other. Another way to think of it is this: if you wear a disguise long enough, when does it cease being your disguise and simply become the way you look? The second question is this: Is watered-down Christian theology effective/worth it? If we are watering down the message of what we believe it not only suggests to those outside the faith that we have doubts and are not sure ourselves, but it also implies that the message of Christ "as is" is insufficient. Do we really believe that a watered-down God can convert non-Christians better than an undiluted one?
The struggle to be Christian, be myself and be understood by non-Christians all at the same time is something I've struggled with. I've debated faith and reason with many non-Christian friends, and I found myself adopting a few helpful rules: 1) Don't engage a non-Christian in a debate unless you are fairly good friends with them. A debate about such touchy, personal and polarizing issues is trying even in the best of friendships. In the early stages of friendship, let God's love shine through you instead of doctrine. There is a time and place for both, but until the non-Christian gets a feel for your personality and your sense of caring for them, any debate can easily be seen as an attack that could destroy a budding friendship. 2) Call timeout. I have come to view debates much like football games. The beginning of the debate is kickoff, but when the whistle blows the play is over and you stop competing. Make a clear, verbal distinction between the debate and your friendship, and affirm that your political/spiritual views don't effect your friendship or your caring for each other. 3) It may seem excessive, but after any particularly intense debate I would just look at my friend, pat his or her shoulder, and ask "We okay?" This provides an opportunity for your friend to air any hurt feelings or questions he or she may have. The equally important part of this is to actually leave the game on the field. Once the whistle blows, leave it. No fistfights in the parking lot. Leave the debate and resume just hanging out."
Well, I hope that was helpful (or at least interesting) for all of you. In the California public schools where I grew up being a Christian is definitely the minority, and going to church every week makes you a radical, but with these guidelines I was able to have open, honest and challenging discussions with my friends without anyone feeling threatened. I never convinced anyone and no one ever started coming to church with me, but I feel like if my non-Christian friends can at least think of one example of a loving, "normal" Christian who has thought about her faith a lot and truly believes it, then I've done my job.
Besides, there are worse things in life than being considered a radical for Christ.
Peace, homies!
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2 comments:
I am so glad you are blogging again. I have to tell you I was confused and thought I was reading what your dad wrote when I was really reading what you wrote! Picture me with my mouth and eyes wide open when I realized those words of maturity and wisdom were coming from you, my young friend. What you expressed comes a lot more from who you are and how God made you than your "experience" growing up in California. He knit you together in a very special way, my lovely. I can't way to see how He continues to use you in His kingdom. Love and prayers for you and yours, Pat
Excellent post!
One thing I always noticed when I would get into religious debates when I was in high school (usually with college students at work) is that I would not only come across as judgmental, but I would lose the debate. Then I would have to go on a prayer drive after work and blow off steam and wonder why they just couldn't see it my way. I eventually learned not to debate faith issues. What good is being right? It is much more important to be godly. Jesus only debated religious folks anyway, never non-Christians. And He always won those debates.
One more incite to add to that list. Don't expect non-Christians to act like Christians. Don't act all surprised and put out by their lifestyles. It seems simple but I know too many people that have trouble with this. What good is being moral without being godly anyway? Allow Jesus to change behavior after meeting Him.
One other thing I find helpful is to prepare people for an honest answer, and back it up with personal experience as much as possible. Also, go ahead and apologize for religious idiots. It will bring respect for your faith and it will separate you from Bible-Thumpers. Most people will not lump you in if you show them love, care, respect, and humility.
Don't fudge on the truth, and don't try to speak it where you are unsure. An answer of "I don't know" can sometimes go along way. Besides, Jesus always dealt in loving honesty, and it would do us well to learn to do the same.
I am linking to your dad's blog. It's really good.
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